Best Home Defense Firearm for My Wife?

I’m in the process of buying my first house, and I want to make sure my wife has something reliable to defend herself with when I’m not home. I’ve been around guns my whole life and own quite a few, but my wife isn’t a big fan. I bought her a small 9mm for concealed carry, but I haven’t taken her to practice with it as much as I should, so she’s not comfortable with it.

She’s small—5’4" and about 100 lbs—so my 12-gauge is out of the question. I’m looking for something that won’t break the bank, is easy to shoot, and that she can realistically handle.

I’m considering a .22 handgun for ease of use or maybe a 20-gauge semi-auto or side-by-side shotgun. Open to suggestions—just looking for something practical.

Take her to the range and let her try different guns to see what she’s comfortable with. The more she practices, the more confident she’ll be.

Hayden said:
Take her to the range and let her try different guns to see what she’s comfortable with. The more she practices, the more confident she’ll be.

This. Also, set up a security system so she has time to react. The goal is to prevent a confrontation, not just react to one.

A pistol-caliber carbine (PCC) is a solid option. Something like the Ruger PC Carbine, Sig MPX, or AR9 in 9mm has almost no recoil, takes a red dot easily, and can be equipped with a light. It’s also easier to aim under stress than a handgun.

If you want zero recoil, 5.7mm carbines exist, but the cost per round is ridiculous.

@Grayden
He said he doesn’t want to break the bank. An MPX is like $2,000 lol.

An AR-15 in 5.56/.223 with a 16” barrel and mid-length gas system would be soft shooting, even for her. It’s actually easier to shoot than a pistol and has less recoil than a blowback 9mm PCC. Plus, rifle rounds are more effective and don’t over-penetrate as much as people think.

A lot of guys buy their wives ‘smaller’ guns thinking they’re easier to handle, but smaller guns actually have more felt recoil.

Get her a full-size metal-frame 9mm and let her try it. She’ll probably find it much easier to shoot.

@Teegan
Good point. I originally got her a small 9mm for concealed carry, but she doesn’t like it much. A full-size gun for home defense might be a better idea.

@Teegan
The Smith & Wesson Shield EZ .380 is a great choice for someone with smaller hands or less grip strength. It’s easy to rack, has light recoil, and is simple to use.

If you want a shotgun, check out the Winchester SXP Defender 20 gauge or the Stoeger M3020 Defense 20 gauge.

My wife is about the same size, and she loves the M&P Shield EZ 9mm. Very easy to rack and shoot, and recoil is super manageable.

If she doesn’t like handguns, consider a pistol-caliber carbine (PCC). My wife hated my pistols because of the weight and recoil but loves my PTR 9KT. It’s easier for her to grip, and with a red dot, it’s much easier to aim than a pistol under stress.

A .38 Special revolver could be a good choice—simple, reliable, and easy to use. Just make sure she’s comfortable with the trigger pull.

If recoil is a concern, you might consider using 1-¾” ‘mini-shells’ in a pump shotgun like a Mossberg 500. They have way less recoil but are still effective for home defense.

An AR-15 is going to be your best bet for home defense—light recoil, easy to shoot, and more effective than a shotgun. A pistol is fine if space is tight.

Home defense isn’t just about the gun. Get good locks, motion-activated lights, and a security camera system. The goal is to prevent a break-in before it happens.

If you’re worried about overpenetration, check out this video: How bullets travel through walls. Garand Thumb does a great job explaining which calibers penetrate the most and least.

AR-15s don’t overpenetrate as much as you’d think. 5.56 is light and fast, so it dumps energy quickly compared to buckshot or pistol rounds. A rifle might actually be safer than a shotgun in that regard.